2/23/2016
I have officially been a mom for 8 months and 3 weeks. Ella has proven to be an incredible baby and becoming more fun and playful as time goes on. I have already learned a lot about being a mother, and figured it was time to share a few key things thus far. So here are some of the parenting epiphanies we have encountered:)
1) Babies definitely have a schedule of sleeping, of eating and of play.
It took us a few weeks, if not months, to learn Ella’s schedule. At first, I thought “She is a baby and will pass out in my arms“. Sometimes, obviously, yes she did. But when it came to night time, there was a strict schedule that needed to be adhered to. At the beginning I would try the whole she will fall asleep in my arms thing and tried to watch a movie or relax in the family area… but then what seemed out of nowhere, she would begin whaling and crying like crazy! For a while we thought she was allergic to lentils, as they were a regular in our evening meals and this seemed to only happen in the evenings. But it just so happened, that it was not an allergic reaction, but an overshooting of bed time! We learned that quick and had to readjust a few times until we found our groove.
So now…Ella will wake up around 8am and feeds upon waking then play until about 1:30. She will nap any where between 20 minutes to 2 1/2 hours and then eat and play some more. Come 5:30 we are getting ready for bed, will eat again and then sleep by 6-6:30ish. I have to breastfeed about 2 times by the time I come to bed around midnight, and then generally once more before morning time. Its become quite consistent and working out brilliantly for us as a family unit. Thus, be willing to be patient in order to find what works for you, your child and the family as a whole. But discovering your sleep schedule is most definitely a necessity!
2) How to properly pick up a baby.
Tom and I had to learn how to pick up a baby properly by getting sore backs and wrists. Its amazing how many times a day you have to pick up a baby. And to most new parents, that’s something that goes from 0-50 times a day, almost instantaneously. As a result of all this lifting and twisting, I developed De Quervain Syndrome and have been rehabilitating ever since.
Ya, it sounds silly to have to learn how to properly lift a baby, but you do! lol And want to save new parents time and pain… so listen up my friends 🙂
BEFORE: What I was doing before, that was causing me pain, was holding my baby close to me and then when I am going to put her down on the bed, floor, crib etc I would extend my arms all the way out and then down to wherever I am placing her. I would pick her up in the same way, and that was putting a lot of strain on my wrists, arms and lower back.
AFTER: What we are suppose to do is keep her close and tight to our body, and then when we are putting her down, bend my whole body at the hips with her on my chest and lay her down gently with my chest and back still close to her until I rest her on the bed. This way my chest and upper back and thighs support the baby, not just my writs, arms and lower back. This technique for picking up our baby was a game changer for us!
I also began strengthening my wrists and did back exercises to not only help correct the injury, but to also prevent any pain or injury in the future
3) Comparing Yourself Against another Mother is a No-Go
When we compare ourselves to another mother, and see ourselves as less than or greater than them, we are judging. There is no room for judgment when it comes to being a mother. This role is not easy, there is no rule book. We need help and we need each other. If we are judging, we have no room to love and welcome them. We have to do our very best in every now moment to choose loving thoughts that extend a helping hand to each other and realize there is no “right way” to do it, just lots of great ideas (and some not-so-great ideas) that we can choose from. What you choose is up to you, and no one should be judged for what they choose. Instead, we can learn to see our selves as equals… equals as parents and as Souls 🙂 In seeing each other as Soul, we will love and not judge.
4) Seeing your child as getting in the way of what you want to do or think you should be doing.
These thoughts are toxic to us. They blind us to what is actually going on. For me, I had many moments where I was trying to rush bedtime, or bath time so I could get on with something else, or feel angst or guilt for not getting more work done. (Whether that be house work, self care work or work work…. or all of the above. )We can only do exactly what we are meant to do, nothing more nothing less. What I began to do, to help me to not “want to have mom duties over to do other things” was to surrender into the moment. If she was difficult going to bed, I would stop trying to rush her along or quiet her down. I would just be there with her as she settled down. Willing to be there for however long it took, even if it was hours. I then used it as a time to be still, to be with God. To think of how much I love Ella and how grateful I am for her. Soon after this surrender and peace, she fell asleep. As soon as I let go, she let go too. After we learned this we never struggled with bedtime. Whether we had friends visiting, we were visiting her Grandparents or on a regular night. She’s a great sleeper and has been ever since. (She is almost 7 as I update this blog :))
5) With a baby, every day is different. They are always learning new skills, we are learning to be new parents.
This whole transition is taxing in many ways and thus opens us to many different (emotional) events that take place each and every day. I find I let the emotions be waves of experience and I observe them but do my best to focus on everything that I have gained from being a parent. I remember that we are raising and shaping our future generations, and we have some one who will love us unconditionally and call us mom, or dad and make our hearts melt, all the time. They provide us with an infallible mirror to look at our own “stuff” so we can correct it, and finally be truly happy and at peace. (This is what the ego does NOT want to look at, our “stuff”, but this is the very thing our soul is so grateful for and will assist in bringing to light. ) Our soul uses parenting as a tool to awaken us. So as we let go of expectations of how tidy things need to be or how perfect the image must look or what you think you have to do… because in fighting for those things, you miss the joy and new milestones that are unfolding in this now moment with your child. And, by letting those go, you open to the unlimited ways for the universe to bless you and carry you to new and happy experiences as a family.
6) The importance of having a pre-stocked, ready to-go baby bag (for travels)
There have been a few times over these many months where we have either forgotten the baby bag, extra clothes or extra snacks; resulting in a baby staying longer than necessary in a poppy diaper, or showing up at friends houses naked or hungry. Even though they were absolutely harmless mistakes, why make your baby be uncomfortable when there is a way to get around this right? What I learned very early on was to pack a baby bag and stick it by your purse. Where ever you go, so does the bag, with lots of goodies in it! My baby bag includes: obviously diapers, at least 5 to 6. If I use any when out, I stock up as soon as I get home. Next is wipes, blankets, at least 2 outfits, toys and snacks. I used those baby rice cakes/Nom Noms when she was really young as they dissolve in her mouth, as well as organic pre-made food in a pouch. I always make our own baby food at home by steaming veggies and using the Baby Bullet, so I will often throw a green lid on top of her pre-made food and take that too. I also have my breasts, which she is still taking too every day which is a help. 🙂 But just in case, snacks are stocked and have been a real savior at times. I also add in a bib, hand sanitizer, a spoon, face/butt cream and face cloths. You can never go wrong with having too much in the bag 🙂
7) Establish good communication from the beginning.
We started teaching Ella sign language from really really little. When we would say the words “drink, eat, poop, pee pee, thank you” we would sign the word to her. After a few short months she was signing right back. Honestly this has saved us much time and frustration in trying to understand what she needs or wants at any given time. If we are consistent with it, so is she. Its now second nature for her and we almost always know what she wants and asks for.
8) Anytime she has a tantrum, we get to her eye level and talk to her.
We full out communicate with her as if she understands us, and you know what, very very often she does. Its amazing how much they know, pick up and learn before they can even say a sentence. We have to keep in mind that just because they are little bodies, doesn’t mean they are not their Souls…..cause they are. And they understand and pay attention more than we think.
9) We are conscious of the energy or tone we are using when with her.
If I ever get close to being frustrated at night when putting her down, I tap out, its Daddy’s turn. He comes in to help, I step away refocus my mind and come back to the task at hand. We are responsible for what we think, and how we respond to our babies all the time. It can be tough, they demand a lot, but when we remember that we are responsible for these little ones we can let them teach us how to be the best parents we can be. And honestly… effective communication with the child, with self and with the other parent is integral for working and thriving relationships.
To be continued…